Hello this is Dr. T Halberd, with Extempory College's Ancient Linguistics Department. I felt it my solemn duty to inform you of a new translation. I'm sure that you have been on the edge of your seats, but i assure you this newest revelation will baffle you further! As many of you know I have dedicated my life to uncovering the suspicious and possibly nefarious agenda of a secret society known as the Riddlesbrood. While they often pose as a touring theater company, the truth is, in my opinion, that it is a cover for something far darker and mysterious.
You see, I was a thrift shop the other day and was looking through the old books for sale when I found a naughty old playboy, after studying it rather intently for three hours, I moved on to another old tome that aroused me in a different way. It was a book of Aesop’s fables, the ancient Hellenic storyteller of renown. I opened with great care when a small paper emerged and slowly glided to the floor. I picked it up and found to my surprise it appeared to be a page torn out of another manuscript entirely. Once I looked closely I discovered that it was indeed written in secret Brooding (Riddlesdiculous as some call it) and was a translation of one of the stories of Aesop. So stimulated was I that I went back to the old playboy magazine and studied it for another four hours before being escorted out of the store. Once home, I took another long gaze at the curious page I had found. See below:
Fidaenan ga ee Wargaz ga
Haefen ga adoo melkeeyolir ga aezuhled azaakaa raapingee. Melkeeyor ga iwisenedad ai aazairen aebashen tho aehaefen basheln aagraazak oofruh wargaz. Bashen izabookh iyawndluhfeeng wils ga, ra aeshaun bashen skau haefen basheln awyidmaruhk tlaesingee shenga bashen otuhtawn awskaaguhruh tluhlt pa etthloog basheln, tichee slaw e droogoo thlemoolo daebuh wen se tluh eram gikaden e wargaz.
Tleste aagen fidaenan ga mauwewizle awtluht, bashen uhwoodwaang denoo oofruh ootluhyeg basheln, shenga ashlabroot cheema wargaz ga uhkan: “Ahe druhnshoon droog maudraugetigee! ootaw wis keplelir leeld ai aigraz, au aagen fosh tootlende aanaen, aeshaed ileed aw idmaruhk de ootaw druhnshoon otlai chath: Hlaud ogrosen leed ahlaas pa druhnshoon?”
Bashen awkan eedaaplithi de eethaes ooroth basheln aastai geeth e zikstik, idanaith endgimzik taagaruhlt se haekae tluhlt tlauspuh araezan aewargaz ga. Oot zikstik se geeth ga izeesket aegeetler basheln ootawn awbringuhr staistoo ee autkaimad, tlauspuh oodrausan fidaenan ga mauwewisle otlai haamuhr. Shenga slaut tleegaa onathal aachee bashen, shenga aatoon bashen aatlai haudrithi maustaistoo.
Haaguhl: Awbramool aeyawkeraenae otlai drada aeram tlae stai uhndkhlaum pa aindmenestos tluhl.
Of course, without my tedious work you would never guess what it said...so here is what my struggle has revealed:
The Prince and the Lion
The only son of the king like martial games. The king had a dream which warned him that his son would be killed by a lion. He was afraid of the dream coming true so he built for his son a pleasant palace and then he decorated its walls for his amusement using all kinds of animals of proper size, and one of them was a picture of a lion.
When saw prince the young it he became aggrieved again by this confinement, and then he stood near the lion and said: “Oh, you most hideous creature! Because of my father’s dream, which was a lie, which he saw while he slept, because of you I am locked up in this palace like a girl: Now what will I do to you?”
He said these words, stretched out his hand towards a tree of thorns, intended the cutting of a stick from its branches in order to beat the lion. But a thorn from the tree stabbed his finger, caused great pain and inflammation, so that the young prince fell down as if he had fainted, And then a violent fever was on him, and he died after not many days.
Moral: Bearing troubles bravely is better than trying to escape from them.
I believe that this is undeniable proof that these people are growing in number, so much so that they are translating children's stories to teach their brood. We are in danger, my comrades! We have to prepare ourselves! The most important action—indeed the very first thing we must do is to protect the most naïve in our society. Those without the great education that I have, people that lack the pure brilliance that I clearly possess. Idiots of the lower order of men who know nothing of philosophy, metaphysics, linguistics or VCR repair. I urge you to share my discoveries with all of your friends….not your smart friends, mind you…they can see the writing on the wall…but the credulous unread multitude of the type that watch ‘Rosanne’ on TV. Try to get them to understand the gravity of what we are facing! If you dare you can see the other works i have done on this enigmatic topic.
Oh dear, I must stop my writing now. I ordered a pizza several hours ago and I need to measure the distances between the pepperoni. It is known that this is an ancient form of Italian divination and may tell me where i can find the next clue in my quest. Be careful!
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